From Resolutions to Intentions: A More Compassionate Way to Start the New Year

January has a way of showing up with a lot of pressure. Everywhere you look, there are messages urging you to do more, be better, and finally change—as if who you are right now isn’t enough. New Year’s resolutions are often framed as hopeful fresh starts, but for many people, they quietly bring guilt, unhelpful comparisons, and a sense of falling behind before the year has even begun.

As a therapist, I often see how quickly resolutions turn into self-criticism and goals that are too big and too hard to sustain. When goals are built on the idea that something about you needs fixing, and that it needs to be done FAST, no wonder most of us can't keep up with this. Life is complex, emotions are deeply rooted, and change rarely happens in straight neat lines—yet resolutions tend to demand perfection and consistency from the start.

What if this year didn’t begin with pressure, but with compassion? What if instead of asking, “What should I change about myself?” you asked, “What do I need?” "What do I love about myself?". This blog is an invitation to rethink New Year’s resolutions—and to explore a gentler, more sustainable way of approaching growth in the year ahead.

The Emotional Weight of New Year’s Resolutions

A new shiny pretty calendar, one of my favourite things to buy for the New Year. A New Year, a new beginning. All those months wide open and ready for us. We can get caught up in all the ideas of changing something about ourselves, making big goals, and doing it quickly and without setbacks. It can sound exciting and energizing. But, as we have all no doubt experienced, it is so hard to maintain the resolve that started on January 1st. And then what happens when we falter- the all-or-nothing thinking can convince us that it's no use, and we might as well wait until the next New Year. This most often leads to feelings of failure, self-criticism, and further getting stuck in unhelpful ways.

Why Traditional Resolutions Often Don’t Stick

Big goals often foresee us making it to the top of the mountain in a big leap instead of planned out, small realistic steps. And we often forget on day one or two that change is hard! Perfectionistic ideas and standards of traditional resolutions backfire and don't set us up for success.

The Hidden Message Behind Most Resolutions

Resolutions are built on an idea of not being enough and leave us in a never-ending state of striving for something different. To BE different, DO different, FEEL differently. They are built on a bed of self-criticism and often shame. Shame driven change never feels good, and really does not lead to meaningful and effective change.

Resolutions vs. Intentions: What’s the Difference?

Resolutions are most often rooted in self-criticism and demand perfection. Intentions, on the other hand, ask us to mindfully tune into our values and preferred way of being. Intentions allow us space to set small realistic and manageable goals in the direction of our values. Intentions allow us to tap into self-compassion and to be a good coach to ourselves, rewarding ourselves on the journey and comforting ourselves when we get stuck. Intentionally choosing manageable and self-loving steps towards healthy changes. AND, we can intentionally chose to accept our imperfections and humanity.

A More Compassionate Way to Approach the New Year

Remember that January 1st is just a day. We can set intentions and goals any other day of the year too. When we seek change with compassion and acceptance of ourselves, curiosity for the process, awareness of our values, and have intentions for change that are rooted in self-love, we can better set ourselves up for the changes we hope to see.

As pioneering psychotherapist Carl Rogers said: "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change"

Questions to Reflect on Instead of Making Resolutions

What am I proud of? What do I want to stay the same?

What do I need more of this year?

What would feel good to let go of?

What do I want to do more of?

What do I want to do less of?

What feels good for me?

What do I most value?

How do I want to show up in my life?

When Support Can Help You Move Forward

Seeking therapy starts with self-compassion, it's one of the kindest gifts you can give to yourself. Many people struggle with the idea of balancing acceptance and change. But only when we truly cultivate compassion and acceptance for ourselves, can we move slowly and intentionally towards our values and the life we wish for ourselves. Change is hard, but it is most certainly possible.....any day of the year.